All is well.....

Hello all! I'm sorry for the lack of pics, but something is not hooked up right with my camera's cradle and our computer, so it is not letting me load pics right now. This really sucks 'cause I have some CUTE pictures of my angel on there! Luke is so so so so cute right now! He is really starting to smile and laugh and it just melts my heart! We have to go to the doctor tomorrow because he has a nasty cough again and lots of yucky stuff coming up. Hopefully it is just the last of the crud from his bronchialitis, but I want to make sure. He also needs to get his 4 month vaccines since he didn't get to last time because he was sick. But other than that, he is doing really well. I'm going to BEG the doctor to let me try him on a different formula. His tootin' gas is out of control and he was up screaming in pain last night. I don't know what else to do!! He is even on prescription drops and mylicon does NOTHING for him. So, the only thing I know to do is change formulas. Valentine's Day came and went here. Tom and I are not too keen on commercial holidays, plus we are so broke right now that if he had spent $$ on flowers that would have just died anyway, I would have been soooooo mad! I know lots of women get off on getting a big ol' bouquet, but I really would prefer something on one of the other 364 days of the year. V-Day is just so "you have to do it because 'they' say to". Nah, you can have it! Get me a 94 cent card on April 5th, or August 20th, or any other day....Lord knows I don't need the chocolate!! Tom took off work today and we had a nice day home from school. Plus he let me sleep till noon!! How nice!! I really do love my husband. I couldn't do it without him! He has his faults (and I definitely have mine -- envision me without my Lexapro for 4 days and you can only imagine what he has been through...) but he is my friend, my partner, and the only guy I have ever really been super goofy around!! He also helped give me the world's cutest bambino!! Who really needs a bath right now so I gotta go...

Caleb is home with Jesus

Caleb went to meet his Heavenly Father this morning. Tyesha texted around 7AM and the NICU wanted her to come down immediately. When she arrived they were doing chest compressions on him in hopes that he could make it till mommy came. He just couldn't. She called later and told me that she got to hold him and he was still warm and snuggly. She is doing OK. She is way stronger than I could ever be. I have shed lots of tears this morning for her loss, but I do know that he is totally healed now and waiting on mommy to join him one day. I know he is taken care of and in no pain. We are the ones left with the pain. Please pray for Tyesha as she is making arrangements today to bury her little one.

Caleb

The time for Caleb to meet Jesus is fast approaching. I talked to Tyesha today and she told me about arrangements, the cemetery, the cost, etc. I don't know if it is denial, shock or if she is truly the strongest woman I have ever met, but she just told me every thing matter-of-factly. I just listened, said that she sounds like she is ready for this, and asked what I could do to help her. I have never been in this situation before, and I hope to never, ever, ever be again. When we hung up, I burst into tears. I cried out to God to please cover Tyesha in his comfort and let her know that Caleb will be taken care of. No more pain, swelling, tubes, medicine, sedation. Just health and happiness and comfort. I told her that when Tyesha goes to meet Jesus that the person behind him will be Caleb and he will be so glad to see her!! I cried out to God to protect Luke and to keep him healthy. Please, God, I am not that strong...I would never recover if something were ever happen to him. Please don't test me in that way! I cried for the two babies of ladies I know who went to Jesus in the past year. Audrey and Aryn. I cried for their mommies. I cried for the little baby that my boss knew who went to Jesus this weekend after three months. A perfectly healthy baby. Why? Why? My heart is so heavy tonight. I miss my little monkey so bad. I am sick with a nasty infection in my lungs and am taking LOADS of meds to clear it up. But I can't hold him. I can't sleep with him in my arms. It is so very hard to do this right now because of all the sadness I am surrounded with. I just want to hold him and tell him I love him more than life itself. I am so saddened right now that Tyesha knows Caleb is dying. What do I say? That he will be in a better place and not suffering? This is true, but how is this comforting to a mommy who will not see her child everyday? What do I do? What do I say?

Praying for Caleb

What a tough day yesterday. Luke's podmate, Caleb, at St. Vincent's NICU is not doing well at all and the doctor's don't feel as though he will make it through the week. I visited Caleb and his mommy Tyesha yesterday at UAB. He was transferred there about a month ago in hopes that he could get a treatment for his chronic lung condition. None of that happened because an infection set up in his blood. This little guy has been through so much and he is such a fighter! He weighed under 2 pounds at birth and has been fighting since. He is so precious and my heart just aches for him and his mom. She is praying for a miracle right now so I ask that you keep both of them in your prayers.

Luke's first sickness!!

Well, it finally happened. Luke is sick. Actually, it's pretty good that he waited this long to get the crud. Four months old with no sickness in a preemie is really good. Anyhoo, he had a well baby visit today that turned into a sick baby visit. He got a breathing treatment to see if it would clear up this yucky congestion he has going on, but it didn't help. The doc said it was bronchialitis (yeah, I never heard of that either...supposedly it is a little different from actual bronchitis). Basically, he has infection in his bronchial lining. In an adult or older child this would just be a plain ol' cold, and he probably got it from someone who had a cold or was exposed to it, but in a baby it is different. We are just hoping that there will be NO signs of RSV!! He is getting a Synagis shot every month to ward it off so hopefully this infection will just remain "as is". He put Luke on a liquid steroid for three days but said his cough could last for up to 4 to 5 weeks!!! Yuck!! Also, he couldn't get his vaccines today so we will have to go back and get them in a couple of weeks. But, it wasn't all bad today! Luke now weighs....drum roll, please....
16 pounds 8 ounces!!!!! Holy Cow!! Also, he is 24 inches long!! YAY!! Dr. Gleason told us that he is NO LONGER be measured on the "preemie growth chart"! AND that on the term baby growth chart is is measuring in the 75th percentile in weight! OH MY GOODNESS, I HAVE A BABY LINEBACKER!! Dr. Gleason is SO impressed with our little man! Also, he is measuring in the 25th percentile in length! The doc said he would be off the charts on the preemie chart!! WOW! When he was first born they thought he would have to be on the preemie chart for up to a year, but he is growing so fast. He is doing great! He also is meeting all the benchmarks for a full term 4 month old except for reaching out and grabbing objects. And he said this will be coming soon! He should technically only be doing things that a 2 month old does, but he is right on track with other 4 month olds! AND the doc said that he should be completely caught up by the time he turns 6 months old, NOT one year old! We can start him on foods in the next month and a half, plus he said that he will probably go ahead and take him off the NeoSure preemie formula at around 6 months old. They usually want them to stay on till they are 9 months, so this is awesome! God has blessed us with such a healthy baby and I am SOOOOO thankful! We also got some prescription gas drops, so pray that they will help! So, even in spite of his yucky sickness, you will hear no griping or moaning from me today!! My baby is healthy, wonderful, beautiful, fantastic, incredible, and amazing so I am just sending out happy vibes today! I hope everyone enjoyed the nice Alabama weather God gave us today and I will post again soon!

Frazzled

Tonight I am frazzled. I feel as though I have not stopped today, or yesterday, or the day before! Do you ever feel as though you are running a race daily and the finish line is nowhere in sight? That is me tonight. I have a baby that is congested and wheezing and gassy. Not a good combination. I have a husband that comes home and plays video games and asks what we are doing for dinner. I have children in my class that know no boundaries at home and I get to try to teach them right from wrong. I have a weigh in at Weight Watchers on Wednesday and I have eaten Mexican three times, yes three times, this week. I finally had time to actually shave my legs tonight in the shower. That was scary. In the middle of cooking some dinner I realized we were out of baby cereal and Luke was screaming because he was starving so I had to leave it to go buy some because the Pig closes at nine and it was 8:30. Then I realized I was out of gas. Another stop. It's just been one of those days. One of those weeks. One of those months. It's like it never ends and all I do is gripe and moan about how hard it is. I swear the Lexapro ain't working lately! I feel like a hamster on its wheel going round and round. I also think I had a slight panic attack on Sunday. It was over something soooo stupid and I felt like it was the most important all-consuming thing. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest and I got tight all over! I've never had a panic attack but it sure felt like it could have been one. Do you ever feel like you are being pulled in 100 different directions and that 100 different people want 100 different things from you? That's me lately. I just feel so uptight and my poor husband is catching the brunt of it. I can be so mean to him. Why do I do that? I love him and he is a good daddy, but I feel like sometimes he has it so easy. That I have to do everything. But I also realized tonight that even when he offers to help, I have trouble giving up control. He offered to feed Luke and to sleep with him in the living room so I can have a real night's sleep. I worried that he wouldn't do our nighttime routine the right way. I told him how he should hold him to get him to sleep. I made him promise that he would not sleep with him on his chest because he was congested and I didn't want him becoming face down because I feared that he would suffocate. I told him he did not need to put him in the swing because then he (Tom) would be in such a deep sleep b/c Luke wasn't laying on him that he would not be able to hear him when he cried. See, I have to control it. I want to gripe about not getting help, but when it's offered I want to control it and have Tom do it MY way. The right way. At least I think it's the right way. I know I fret a lot over Luke but he is my first baby and he had a rough go his first few months and to be honest, I feel like I can take care of him better than Tom. Isn't that awful to say?? And I don't mind letting Tom know that. I'm mean to him and I need to stop. I have to get off this craziness and start learning how to say no to people and start focusing on what is important - my family. I couldn't make it without my husband. I really, really couldn't. I need to let go of my need for control. And I really, really need to go to bed now. Sleep is sounding so good right now.....

 

 

 

Here is Luke next to a picture of his daddy when he was six or seven months old! Cute! Also, here is Luke with his Nonna and a picture of Monkey in his favorite spot...daddy's lap (well, at least it is his favorite when mommy's isn't available!!).