Welcome to my new life...

Well, the past few days have definitely been a learning experience! Being a mommy in way harder than I had ever imagined! The lack of sleep, the worry, the getting peed on, the realization that my life has been forever changed...Luke is a 24 hour a day job and I tell ya, it's hard, but worth it when I look into that sweet face. We went to his Dr.'s office yesterday and Luke got an "A+" from his pediatrician. He is hitting all his benchmarks and gaining weight. He also had to get his first round of shots:( It totally broke my heart! The look on his face when the lady stuck that first needle in his leg, OH MY GOSH! He also peed on the nurse when she was weighing him! Did I mention he likes to pee on people? (especially mommy!) Last night I had my first mommy breakdown. I was sooo tired (they told me he was on a good schedule in the NICU, yeah right...). He eats every 3 - 4 hours which is great, but it takes him 30 minutes or so to eat, then another 45 or so to really get into a deep sleep and usually he wakes up in between feeds b/c he is wet or dirty and then I have to get him back to sleep. So that leaves me with around 45 minutes to an hour of sleep/wash clothes/cook/clean bottles/visit with people. I just started crying to Tom! There is a part of me that says "whoa, you mean I gotta do this, like, for the next few years?? um....uhh...." and then there is the part of me that says "you ungrateful, selfish person! Luke is healthy and perfect and all of this should just be a complete joy and I should never anything but happy about everything because he could have so many problems!" But guys, its HARD and I am very overwhelmed! Yesterday was really rough because he was very cranky from his shots and he cried every time I put him down. Today has been better b/c Tom has been home and has helped me tremendously!! He is really so great with Luke. He feeds him, changes him, plays online poker with him...wait, I really don't think that is something he needs to do so young! Seriously though, I could not ask for better! I also got a chance to get out of the house for a little bit. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a "stay at home" kinda gal. I don't like sitting around the house watching tv for hours at a time. I like to get out and go!! So, today I ventured out to the Pig and to Tractor Supply Warehouse. (By the way, they have their Autumn stuff 70% off and I got some really cute stuff for cheap!) Tom's aunt and uncle stopped by for a visit and of course to see Monkey. My friend Meg also stopped by for a surprise visit and she had gotten us a pizza, tea, and a pie for dinner! How great is that?? She also let me use some of her little ones' receiving blankets so we can swaddle our little man. Can you believe that I only have 4 receiving blankets left after our stay at the NICU? A couple of his blankets accidentally got mixed in with the things they keep on hand, so we really didn't mind if we got them back. Tom also hooked up our cool video monitor. Meg was actually the one who recommended it. It was a gift to us from some ladies I work with and it is great! The picture is VERY clear and it makes me feel better to be able to see him when I am in the other room. I still want one of those monitors that keep track of babies' breathing. They are at Target and I have read really good reviews of them. It's like a mat that they lay on when they are sleeping and somehow it tracks whether or not there is that up and down motion of breathing. Anyone ever heard of it or had one? Let me know what you think! Gonna go for now and do a little "blog stalking" of my own! I'm addicted. I know.