Monday, February 16, 2009
Hello all! I'm sorry for the lack of pics, but something is not hooked up right with my camera's cradle and our computer, so it is not letting me load pics right now. This really sucks 'cause I have some CUTE pictures of my angel on there! Luke is so so so so cute right now! He is really starting to smile and laugh and it just melts my heart! We have to go to the doctor tomorrow because he has a nasty cough again and lots of yucky stuff coming up. Hopefully it is just the last of the crud from his bronchialitis, but I want to make sure. He also needs to get his 4 month vaccines since he didn't get to last time because he was sick. But other than that, he is doing really well. I'm going to BEG the doctor to let me try him on a different formula. His tootin' gas is out of control and he was up screaming in pain last night. I don't know what else to do!! He is even on prescription drops and mylicon does NOTHING for him. So, the only thing I know to do is change formulas. Valentine's Day came and went here. Tom and I are not too keen on commercial holidays, plus we are so broke right now that if he had spent $$ on flowers that would have just died anyway, I would have been soooooo mad! I know lots of women get off on getting a big ol' bouquet, but I really would prefer something on one of the other 364 days of the year. V-Day is just so "you have to do it because 'they' say to". Nah, you can have it! Get me a 94 cent card on April 5th, or August 20th, or any other day....Lord knows I don't need the chocolate!! Tom took off work today and we had a nice day home from school. Plus he let me sleep till noon!! How nice!! I really do love my husband. I couldn't do it without him! He has his faults (and I definitely have mine -- envision me without my Lexapro for 4 days and you can only imagine what he has been through...) but he is my friend, my partner, and the only guy I have ever really been super goofy around!! He also helped give me the world's cutest bambino!! Who really needs a bath right now so I gotta go...
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Caleb went to meet his Heavenly Father this morning. Tyesha texted around 7AM and the NICU wanted her to come down immediately. When she arrived they were doing chest compressions on him in hopes that he could make it till mommy came. He just couldn't. She called later and told me that she got to hold him and he was still warm and snuggly. She is doing OK. She is way stronger than I could ever be. I have shed lots of tears this morning for her loss, but I do know that he is totally healed now and waiting on mommy to join him one day. I know he is taken care of and in no pain. We are the ones left with the pain. Please pray for Tyesha as she is making arrangements today to bury her little one.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The time for Caleb to meet Jesus is fast approaching. I talked to Tyesha today and she told me about arrangements, the cemetery, the cost, etc. I don't know if it is denial, shock or if she is truly the strongest woman I have ever met, but she just told me every thing matter-of-factly. I just listened, said that she sounds like she is ready for this, and asked what I could do to help her. I have never been in this situation before, and I hope to never, ever, ever be again. When we hung up, I burst into tears. I cried out to God to please cover Tyesha in his comfort and let her know that Caleb will be taken care of. No more pain, swelling, tubes, medicine, sedation. Just health and happiness and comfort. I told her that when Tyesha goes to meet Jesus that the person behind him will be Caleb and he will be so glad to see her!! I cried out to God to protect Luke and to keep him healthy. Please, God, I am not that strong...I would never recover if something were ever happen to him. Please don't test me in that way! I cried for the two babies of ladies I know who went to Jesus in the past year. Audrey and Aryn. I cried for their mommies. I cried for the little baby that my boss knew who went to Jesus this weekend after three months. A perfectly healthy baby. Why? Why? My heart is so heavy tonight. I miss my little monkey so bad. I am sick with a nasty infection in my lungs and am taking LOADS of meds to clear it up. But I can't hold him. I can't sleep with him in my arms. It is so very hard to do this right now because of all the sadness I am surrounded with. I just want to hold him and tell him I love him more than life itself. I am so saddened right now that Tyesha knows Caleb is dying. What do I say? That he will be in a better place and not suffering? This is true, but how is this comforting to a mommy who will not see her child everyday? What do I do? What do I say?
Monday, February 2, 2009
What a tough day yesterday. Luke's podmate, Caleb, at St. Vincent's NICU is not doing well at all and the doctor's don't feel as though he will make it through the week. I visited Caleb and his mommy Tyesha yesterday at UAB. He was transferred there about a month ago in hopes that he could get a treatment for his chronic lung condition. None of that happened because an infection set up in his blood. This little guy has been through so much and he is such a fighter! He weighed under 2 pounds at birth and has been fighting since. He is so precious and my heart just aches for him and his mom. She is praying for a miracle right now so I ask that you keep both of them in your prayers.