Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The time for Caleb to meet Jesus is fast approaching. I talked to Tyesha today and she told me about arrangements, the cemetery, the cost, etc. I don't know if it is denial, shock or if she is truly the strongest woman I have ever met, but she just told me every thing matter-of-factly. I just listened, said that she sounds like she is ready for this, and asked what I could do to help her. I have never been in this situation before, and I hope to never, ever, ever be again. When we hung up, I burst into tears. I cried out to God to please cover Tyesha in his comfort and let her know that Caleb will be taken care of. No more pain, swelling, tubes, medicine, sedation. Just health and happiness and comfort. I told her that when Tyesha goes to meet Jesus that the person behind him will be Caleb and he will be so glad to see her!! I cried out to God to protect Luke and to keep him healthy. Please, God, I am not that strong...I would never recover if something were ever happen to him. Please don't test me in that way! I cried for the two babies of ladies I know who went to Jesus in the past year. Audrey and Aryn. I cried for their mommies. I cried for the little baby that my boss knew who went to Jesus this weekend after three months. A perfectly healthy baby. Why? Why? My heart is so heavy tonight. I miss my little monkey so bad. I am sick with a nasty infection in my lungs and am taking LOADS of meds to clear it up. But I can't hold him. I can't sleep with him in my arms. It is so very hard to do this right now because of all the sadness I am surrounded with. I just want to hold him and tell him I love him more than life itself. I am so saddened right now that Tyesha knows Caleb is dying. What do I say? That he will be in a better place and not suffering? This is true, but how is this comforting to a mommy who will not see her child everyday? What do I do? What do I say?