Frazzled

Tonight I am frazzled. I feel as though I have not stopped today, or yesterday, or the day before! Do you ever feel as though you are running a race daily and the finish line is nowhere in sight? That is me tonight. I have a baby that is congested and wheezing and gassy. Not a good combination. I have a husband that comes home and plays video games and asks what we are doing for dinner. I have children in my class that know no boundaries at home and I get to try to teach them right from wrong. I have a weigh in at Weight Watchers on Wednesday and I have eaten Mexican three times, yes three times, this week. I finally had time to actually shave my legs tonight in the shower. That was scary. In the middle of cooking some dinner I realized we were out of baby cereal and Luke was screaming because he was starving so I had to leave it to go buy some because the Pig closes at nine and it was 8:30. Then I realized I was out of gas. Another stop. It's just been one of those days. One of those weeks. One of those months. It's like it never ends and all I do is gripe and moan about how hard it is. I swear the Lexapro ain't working lately! I feel like a hamster on its wheel going round and round. I also think I had a slight panic attack on Sunday. It was over something soooo stupid and I felt like it was the most important all-consuming thing. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest and I got tight all over! I've never had a panic attack but it sure felt like it could have been one. Do you ever feel like you are being pulled in 100 different directions and that 100 different people want 100 different things from you? That's me lately. I just feel so uptight and my poor husband is catching the brunt of it. I can be so mean to him. Why do I do that? I love him and he is a good daddy, but I feel like sometimes he has it so easy. That I have to do everything. But I also realized tonight that even when he offers to help, I have trouble giving up control. He offered to feed Luke and to sleep with him in the living room so I can have a real night's sleep. I worried that he wouldn't do our nighttime routine the right way. I told him how he should hold him to get him to sleep. I made him promise that he would not sleep with him on his chest because he was congested and I didn't want him becoming face down because I feared that he would suffocate. I told him he did not need to put him in the swing because then he (Tom) would be in such a deep sleep b/c Luke wasn't laying on him that he would not be able to hear him when he cried. See, I have to control it. I want to gripe about not getting help, but when it's offered I want to control it and have Tom do it MY way. The right way. At least I think it's the right way. I know I fret a lot over Luke but he is my first baby and he had a rough go his first few months and to be honest, I feel like I can take care of him better than Tom. Isn't that awful to say?? And I don't mind letting Tom know that. I'm mean to him and I need to stop. I have to get off this craziness and start learning how to say no to people and start focusing on what is important - my family. I couldn't make it without my husband. I really, really couldn't. I need to let go of my need for control. And I really, really need to go to bed now. Sleep is sounding so good right now.....